your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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