i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
