I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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