I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
