I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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