sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
