my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
