I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
