i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
