Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
