I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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