You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize