Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
