who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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