did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
