Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
