Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
