Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Randomize
