Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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