arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
