Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
