i was born a porn star she said
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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