I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
another moral hangover. fuck.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize