Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
