You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
