If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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