lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
