My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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