so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So vagazzling was a success
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
