Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
