respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
