I think I am morally bankrupt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
