Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
