I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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