Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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