If i come over, it means nothing
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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