OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
