I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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