a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We got so high we made milksteak
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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