you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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