A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
