I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
