I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
