Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
