U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
