2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
