how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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