someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
