I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
