Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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