It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
