You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
