Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
