u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
