Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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