my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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