Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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