Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
