How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
