so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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