Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
