eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
