I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
