hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
