and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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