You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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