Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
