Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You took a bar mat shot.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
