Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love you. Go after that dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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