make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
