I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
