OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
